3 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Relationship

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One of the questions people ask me most often is:
"Should I be in a relationship?"

My answer always begins the same way.

There is no "should."

Being in a relationship is a choice.

And making that choice becomes much clearer when we stop confusing love with relationship. You can deeply love someone without marrying them. You can love someone and still choose to leave. You can love someone and recognize that a different form of relationship is healthier for both of you.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

🪷 Why love and relationship are two completely different things
🪷 Why love alone should never determine the form of a relationship
🪷 The importance of accepting someone exactly as they are today
🪷 Why trying to love someone's "potential" often creates disappointment
🪷 The deeper purpose of a committed relationship
🪷 Three questions that bring clarity to one of life's biggest decisions

A great relationship isn't built on obligation.

It's built on a conscious choice to accept, empower, and help another person flourish while freely choosing that path together.

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If you’re ready to move beyond understanding this intellectually and actually live it, the Awakening Weekends are where that happens. It’s a space to experience what it means to show up differently and leave a completely different impact on the people around you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

People often ask, should I be in a relationship? First, let's underline the word should. There is no should be in a relationship. It's a choice. It's your choice. Let's unpack the basis of making that choice whether to be in a relationship or not. I think the first fundamental thing that is important to understand is that there's a difference between love and relationship. You can love someone and that does not in any way, shape, or form dictate the form of the relationship. I could love someone and marry them. I could love someone and divorce them. I could love someone and embrace them. I could love someone and get a restraining order against them. Seriously. Love and relationship are two very different things. So it's important first to make sure you understand that you can love someone and that does not bind you to or dictate that you be in a relationship with them. That's your choice. Oh, so you can let yourself love. You don't have to close your heart to someone to avoid a relationship. And just because you love someone doesn't mean that it's required that you be, quote unquote, in a relationship with them. So the first thing to get grounded here is that love and relationship are two different things. No matter how much you love someone, you still have a choice about the form of the relationship you create with them. The second thing that's really important in choosing a relationship is that you really want to be with a person just the way they are. A lot of times people make that mistake and they are truly drawn to somebody and they can see how great the person would be if they just this or that. Oh, this person would be so great if they just were more successful and more productive at work art. Oh, this person is so great if they would just be a little bit nicer and they wouldn't be so critical. Or this person would be so wonderful if they weren't so, you know, if they weren't so sloppy in the house. Okay, you can see how great the person would be if they just did this or that, or if they just had this or that improvement. That is truly a recipe for a dissatisfying relationship. It's important if you choose a relationship that you want to be with the person just the way they are right now. That doesn't mean that they might not change over time. That doesn't mean that there might not have transformations in their ways of being and acting over time and that you can't make a difference with them. But if you don't accept them just the way they are right now, that will also completely thwart any intention you have to make a difference with them because you can only make a difference with people that you accept fully the way they are. So the second thing in choosing a relationship to understand is it really requires wanting to be with them just the way they are right now, not the improved version you can see down the road the way they are right now. The third thing in choosing a relationship, I think that's really critical, is to get it's your choice to empower this person. Like, oh yes. See, what a relationship is about is about the opportunity to empower another, to have another person's dreams come true, to have another person thrive in life. Otherwise, why should they be with us? If we don't have them thrive in life, why should they be with us? So, is this a person that it would fulfill me to empower? Is this a person that would fulfill me to have their dreams come true? I'm gonna give myself to that person and create a relationship with that person. So, three fundamental understandings that are critical in choosing a relationship is first that you don't have to. It's your choice. And no matter how much you love someone, that doesn't dictate a form of the relationship, you still have a total choice about the root form of the relationship you create with them. Two is it does require, however, wanting them exactly the way they are right now. And three, then it's your choice. Oh, will it fulfill me to dedicate myself to this person's dreams coming true? Will it be fulfilling for me to spend my relationship energy having this person thrive and win in life? If so, that's a winning relationship. Thanks for watching the video, everybody. I hope you're enjoying it and I hope it's useful for you. And I'd like to take a minute to tell you if you'd like to do more work with me, you can participate in my flagship program called The Awakening. The Awakening is a three-day program that's the most fulfilling work I've ever done. I created this program at the crossroads of transformation and spiritual enlightenment. I'd worked in both fields for many years. Many people have been on those paths. And what is new is to see where those two paths cross. Where does transformation cross paths with spiritual enlightenment? And there's a gold mine there for us to tap into. So the awakening works right there. We go there and discover everything that's possible when you cross the path of transformation and spiritual enlightenment. It's really an amazing program that it gives you such access to freedom in your life, peace in your life, actually a state of grace, and then the power that comes from living in a state of grace. Just imagine how effective we can be when we live in a state of grace. Alright, click the link below for more information on the awakening. I hope you can join me. Thank you.